Oh man, where do I start?
So there I was, completely convinced I had cracked the code on client onboarding. Like, I was THIS close to ordering myself a trophy that said "World's Most Organized Human" (yes, they make those, I checked).
I had spreadsheets! Color-coded folders! A 47-step process that would make Marie Kondo weep with joy! Everything was going to be PERFECT, and my clients would practically throw parades in my honor. Spoiler alert: the universe had other plans, and they were hilarious.
Picture this: It's Tuesday morning, I'm sipping my third cup of coffee (don't judge), and I'm walking my newest client through my "foolproof" onboarding system. I'm feeling pretty smug, honestly. Like when you finally organize your spice drawer and suddenly think you've got your entire life together.
"First, we'll do A, then B, then C," I explained, probably gesturing wildly with my hands like I always do when I'm excited. "By week three, we'll have completed the data handover, and by week four—"
"Actually," my client interrupts, "we just found something weird in our analytics and need to send it to our partner in Singapore. Like, right now. Can we skip to that part?"
Friends, I literally heard my perfect plan shatter. It sounded exactly like when I dropped my favorite mug last week. (RIP, coffee mug with the funny cat on it. You are missed.)
But here's where it gets good! Instead of having a complete meltdown—okay, I had a tiny internal meltdown, but we don't talk about that—I realized something huge. My client wasn't being difficult. They were being... wait for it... HUMAN!
They were dealing with real stuff happening in real-time. While I was over here playing Onboarding Tetris, trying to make all the pieces fit perfectly, they were out there actually running their business. You know, doing important things like putting out fires and seizing opportunities and probably also wondering what to have for lunch.
It hit me like that time I walked into a glass door at Target (yes, people saw, no, I'm not over it). The perfect onboarding process doesn't exist because—drumroll please—perfect clients don't exist! And thank goodness for that!
Think about it. When was the last time YOUR day went exactly according to plan? Mine was... never? Yesterday I planned to meal prep and ended up eating cereal for dinner while binge-watching that show about the lady who scams hotels. No regrets, but definitely not according to plan!
So here's what I did.
I threw out my rigid 47-step masterpiece (okay, I saved it in a folder called "Things That Seemed Like Good Ideas at the Time") and started building something different. Something that works like my favorite pair of stretchy jeans—structured enough to do the job, flexible enough to handle unexpected pizza nights.
Now, instead of handing clients a stone tablet with THE PROCESS carved into it, I show up ready to dance. Not literally—nobody wants to see that—but ready to move with whatever they need in the moment.
Client needs to tackle that weird data thing first? Cool, let's do it! They want to skip the intake form and just talk through everything over coffee? I'm already putting on my shoes! Their priorities shifted because their biggest customer just called with an emergency? Let me grab my cape! (Metaphorical cape. I learned my lesson about wearing actual capes to client meetings.)
The funny thing is, this approach has made everything SO much better. My clients feel heard and supported instead of processed and systemized. And me? I'm way less stressed because I'm not trying to force real humans into my fantasy flowchart.
Sure, I still have frameworks. I'm not out here just winging it like some kind of business anarchist! But now they're more like guidelines. Like when a recipe says "season to taste"—you start with a plan but adjust based on what's actually happening in the pot.
The real magic?
Being ready for anything. Having good bones in place (basic tools, clear communication, solid expertise) but staying loose enough to pivot when your client texts you at 11 PM because they just realized they need something completely different for tomorrow's board meeting.
Because here's the truth bomb: Your clients hired YOU, not your perfect process. They need your brain, your experience, your ability to help them solve actual problems—not your ability to check boxes in the right order.
So if you're out there trying to build the ultimate, perfect, never-fail system for anything—client onboarding, organizing your garage, planning the ideal vacation—maybe give yourself permission to let it be a little messy. A little human. A little bit like real life, where things change and that's actually okay.
After all, if everything went according to plan all the time, we'd never have those amazing stories about how we saved the day at the last minute. And honestly? Those are the stories worth telling over coffee. Or wine. Definitely wine.
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